August 18th

This has been the fastest summer ever! Tyler's summer schedule was a bit different this year. Last year we had the option of morning or afternoon summer school so we chose afternoon so he could go to Splash Camp in the morning. This year summer school was morning only so that limited him a bit. We were however able to get into Splash camp for 3 weeks, yeah. Today is actually his last day. We had been on a wait list but someone cancelled for those weeks so there was an opening. Given the schedlue this summer, we decided to pull Tyler out of his typical day care center. He used to get bussed there after school during the regular school year and did fine since he was only there for a few hours at most, but when I projected his summer schedule he was going to be there for quite a few full days. The facilty is large with many classrooms and of course mostly full of typically developing kids and the caretakers are young with little special needs experience. Don't get me wrong they are awesome with Ty it's just that I was already anxious about it and hten his first full day did not go well. In fact we had him there for a week and by the end of the week we were all in tears and we decided to make a change. I guess Tyler was upset about something, they weren't sure what and therefore weren't able to console him and he got so upset that he eventually wore himself out and fell asleep. Unless he's sick it's very unlike Tyler to take a nap, in fact, he has sleeping issues and without melatonin is bouncing off the walls well into the wee hours of the morning. It broke my heart to think of him struggling like that and not having a way to communicate to them his problem and them not able to read him enough to be able to figure it out. Anyway, long story short. We found a special needs nanny on care.com. She is a college student with a major in therapeutic recreation and a minor in american sign language. She's been with us now most of summer and in fact today is her last day too. I'm not sure that this was the best decision for Ben, however. Ben's been in a daycare/preschool situation with other kids since he was 6 months old. He is a social butterfly who loves to be around other kids. We couldn't afford the nanny and a care facility, heck we could barely afford the full time cost of one, so he's been home with the nanny too. We figured that half of the time Tyler would be in some sort of therapy, camp, school anyway so that would give Ben the attention he lives. I do think he struggled a bit because he hasn't been around other kids this summer. He's been very emotional. We did get him into safety town which was great because there were two kids in his class that will also be in his Kindergarten class so it's nice to make that connection early.

I've also joined the PTO for Ben's upcoming elementary school. I just wanted to be able to do something for Ben as most of our school related decisions and meetings have also been prioritized by Tyler's needs. We actually chose our house/neighborhood becuase we wanted Ben to go to this specific school. Anyway I was voted in sometime in June and we just had our second meeting this week. I'm the PTO Secretary and looking forward to being involved with Ben's educational and social life:) will help with some of my mommy guilt that's for sure.

As for Summer, it's been going great. Tylers still non verbal but is really realy chatty. we've stopped b12 and speech at this point and Ty is still chatting away. He's also really getting creative in terms of communication and for hte most part is very patient if you aren't understanding him. There was a day that i had to take both boys to the grocery store. May seem normal to you but trust me this is pretty rare. I may run into the grocery store to pick up an item or two with both kids but never a full on shopping trip. But on this day we had so much to do I had no choice. I won't lie, I was anxious. So I brought a bunch of supports for Ty, Ipad, books, etc. He sat in the cart no problem, yeah! Ty gets confused in a big open space and those lights are just horrific for the guy so putting him the cart is the easiest way to keep him happy and safe and let me get the shopping done. So at one point during shopping, he kept pointing at his bag full of goodies. I go through each one asking if that's what he wanted but it wasn't working. Finally I gave up and went back to shopping. Ben and I are looking at food and I'm hearing Tyler push a certain item in his Vtech Bugsy book repeatedly. awesome books, the pen talks to him. I had tuned it out but finally it caught my attention that he was pushing a picture of juice so the pen kept saying "juice, juice, juice, juice".... then I had an aha moment.. that's what he wanted juice!!! which was in the front pocket of his backpack, no problem little dude.. I gave him his juice and he was good. He flipped through his book to find that specificially so I'd get his juice. He does this type of stuff often, he's very creative and resourceful!

Last night he was having a hard night. He's gotten into this ritual lately of needing everything under the sun when he goes anywhere or moves from one floor to another in our house. He'll point at one of his toys and then sort of do this big circle in the air with his finger which means I want ALL OF IT... um no kid we can't move your bedroom to the dinner table. Had a stand off one day trying to get him in the car for splash camp over this. Anyway, last night we actually couldn't figure out what he wanted. We had already gathered his blankets, books, ball, and whatever else he pointed at. It always has to be mom that carries him to bed, he won't walk and half the time I'm buried with toys, Dad was helping carry more stuff. So then we got him into bed, he jumps back up and heads downstairs, ok we must hvae forgotten something. We go with him. He was pointing to the top of the pantry at the battery case... ahhh... the leapster was in there. Must be the nanny "hid" it when it ran out of batteries (we should seriously buy stock in batteries, it's like water in our house"...so luckily dad had came up with batteries after work, yeah dad! So I replacedthe batteries and we took it upstairs..got him into bed and then he jumps back up to head downstairs. I finally said enough, no more, your room is packed with stuff, go to sleep. He then gets upset that I raised my voice and starts to cry, boo. Sorry bud but honestly Mommy can't keep hauling the entire house (and him cause each time I have ot carry him back up) to your room. it's time for bed. He lies down tears still flowing.. i offer a few tickles and now giggles, yeah.... he starts to close his eyes, i'm just sitting next to his bed watching him. he's fine if I leave but I was enjoying being by his side.. he opens his eyes and looks at me and I smile and then he smiles and closes his eyes... awesome!!! when you have a non verbal kids who lacks appropriate emotions at times and certainly has limited facial expressions and eye contact.. when he looks right at you and smiles... it's like a typical kid saying "I LOVE YOU MOMMY!!"... sorta just melts your heart.

So we've been keeping busy this summer. We went to Sandy Pines for 4th of July with the intention of going to Michigan Adventure but the boys both got Strep Throat, boo. We didn't let it ruin the trip though, antibiotics and some ibuprofen and we had lots of fun at the water park, beach, and pools. We even made a trip to South Haven. The boys really like it at Sandy Pines. I'm attaching the view from where we stay. There's so much for them to do, and Tyler now loves the golf cart rides, a far cry from 2 years ago where he'd go crazy if we stopped for any reason. We are hoping one day to have a membership to Sandy Pines.

So that's about all from the Ty update...looking forward to a new school, teachers, therapists next year. He's moved up to level 2 and I couldn't be more proud of him. Happy that Ben will be back at school and hanging iwth his friends and that I can be more involved. My boss is going to let me work a flexibile schedule so I can be with the kids when they get out of school. Not only will this help with our child care costs but it also allows me to spend more time with them during the week. On the family side of things, are doing what we said we'd do... time to relax more and focus on the famly so we've sort of stopped pushing so hard this summer to work with Ty and just hanging out more having fun as a family. The boys were actually wrestling together last night, not just Ben tickling Ty and him laughing but Ty wrestling back. He didn't used to know how to do this, he'd get frustrated and try to hurt Ben, but last night they were having so much fun. Ben knows it makes me happy to see them play togehter so i'm not sure if he doesn't to mak eme happy or if he does it because he likes it, hopefully a little of both. So financially I think we are starting to move in the right direction, cutting down on child care costs will help ALOT..... and there is another prospect we have right now that hopefully I'll be able to give some good news about soon.

On top of all that, i'm seriously considering going to Grad School and getting my Masters in Marketing & Communication. We'll see how everything comes together.

Love to all,

xo

6/6/2011

The school year will soon be coming to an end and our little guys will be moving on to Kindergarten. I can't believe we've been battling autism for 4 years now. Wow! Initially we started this blog because Tyler was in so much therapy, studies, etc. it was hard to keep therapists and family up to date on everything that was happening. As intended, things have leveled off a bit. I think our story is similar to so many others. Suspect autism, get a diagnosis, hear about amazing recovery stories, fight with everything you have and hope you are one of them, exhaust all your resources and energy, and then some years later, settle into acceptance. I hear this from many parents. We just talked to some friends about it this weekend. Although we had hoped Ty would recover and or improve to the point he could be considered high functioning, we knew his chances were lower than some others. Ty was diagnosed with moderate to severe autism at 18 months. He has severe apraxia, he is completely non-verbal and struggles to eat enough food to keep his energy up if he doesn't have somethign to distract himself. He doesn't sleep well, he doesn't interact with peers well, he isn't potty trained and he can't even fully dress himself yet. He can't write, doesn't care about coloring, and he's obsessed with spinning objects such as cups or frisbees. What's crazy is that this description of my guy could be applied at 18 months and today. This is not to say that he has not improved dramatically and that we've given up all hope, it's just to say that we have accepted autism as a part of our lives, forever. It will be part of our lives. That's a really really hard thing to accept and to find peace with. So although it seems to be something that would be simple, it's not. Because the guilt that comes with attempting to accept is overwhelmingly painful. There are still days when I am workign with Tyler on speech adn I see him pull on his mouth and stretch out his neck as if he's trying with all of his might to get out the word and can't. IT BREAKS MY HEART! Then I think, why on earth did I cancel private speech??!!!! What if we are only one speech session away from what seems impossible.

I've often thought about how much I'd love to turn this blog into a book, even if for just our immediate family. So that one day Tyler can see how hard we fought for him and loved him, so that Ben can have an understanding of how I was so often conflicted with guilt for not giving him as much attention but that I love him so much. I think about this blog and remember very clearly intentionally leaving out some of the ugly stuff. The blog was for therapists and family to learn about Ty and sometimes the heartaches and ripple effect autism can have was just too much and too personal to put into a public blog. I think if I turned it into a book, I'd add those all back in. The pain was so vivid that I remember it all as if it were yesterday and thinking about it makes me cry. We've lost friends, we've lost family, we've lost what was once a great marriage, we lost our dreams, our savings, our credit, we lost our home, we lost our dog, and at times, lost all hope. I realize everyone has hard times, absolutely, and I realize there are plenty of people out there who have it far "worse" than I do. I just think that many close to us would be surprised to hear about all of those ripple effects.

One of the biggest reasons I'd like to read the book, to remind me of how hard I fought for his recovery and that I did do everything possible, that it's ok to relax and focus on teh family that it's ok if he's not in speech therapy because he gets it in school. Ive been feeling incredibly guilty about Tyler not getting into splash camp this year, we are on a waiting list. I was waiting to apply until we found out what the summer school hours/schedule was this year and to hear back from the ELKs regarding our grant application. we couldn't afford it quite honestly and sure I can add more to the credit card debt but making all those payments is what is killing us now and preventing us from being able to move forward as a family. Steve and I agreed just over 4 years ago that we'd fight like nothing we've ever fought for, set our marriage aside to help Ty, so we could intervene early as all the researchers recommended. We agreed that around age 5 we'd slow down and recuperate. That's what we are doing... it's hard. Ty's reinvented fascination with cups and spinning has me a bit sad, but I'm not stopping him. I am learning to be at peace with just letting him be Ty. At some point I just have to learn it's ok for him to have autistic traits because after all he does have autism. what I care about most is that he is happy, healthy, and has a way to communicate. He is all of those things. I want to read the book to remind myself that i've helped him have those things. He can leave the house now and be happy about it. He can eat by himself. He can use a computer to talk. He can go to a grocery store without melting down (ok most of the time), he'll try new food, he'll play outside and stay near by. He understands most of everything you say to him. He's a very loving happy boy who is moving up to a level 2 classroom next year. I can dream of the possibility of a level 3 by the time he's in middle school and the possibility of friends, perhaps a job and some independence:) That's the difference from 18 months old. He was not a happy boy, banging his head against the ground, the chair, melting down, etc. we've given him happiness! Reading the book would help remind me to let it all go, we did accomplish our goals.

Look at the happy faces in these pics. Have we done well as parents? :) I think so. So once again to all of you who have stuck by us through thick and thin, fights, tears, etc. THANK YOU!!!!!

xoxo

Happy Spring! We are loving this warmer weather. For the first time, Tyler is really wanting to play outside. Usually Ben wants to play outside but Tyler wants to stay inside and it can get tricky if there is just one parent home, especially now that we don't have a fenced in yard! Anyway, we are really enjoying time in the yard, can't wait for the weather to get warm enough to get out the water slides. The boys are also really liking bike rides this year. Ben finally had the courage to ride the bike that attaches to dad's bike. The whole time he kept saying "this is awesome" now he asks all the time if we can go on bike rides. I pull Tyler in the buggy behind me and anytime i stop, he gets upset because he also wants to keep going.

Had a great moment in the car today. Tyler's ipad is on the fritz and he usually plays with that on the way to school so today he was using his Dynavox. He pushed "old macdonald" so i started singing and then I paused when it came time to choose an animal, so tyler pushed rabbit so I sang it with a rabbit, then he pushed snake, etc. etc. Ben and I were singing along while Tyler chose the animals. It was so much fun to have Tyler "talking" and participating with us in the car.

We've also noticed Tyler's imitation/imagination skills are improving. lately he's been imitating a frog, bunny and turtle. We praise him often and make this a lot of fun for him in hopes we can get him using his imagination more often. Annie's (his second school) is noticing how much more interactive he seems to be in the last month or so. I've even noticed Tyler take Ben's hand a few times to lead him somewhere. All and all his social skills seem to be stepping up a bit. He's also beginning to eat some foods that he had elimianted from his diet not so long ago like pizza, spaghetti and yogurt, yeah Ty! Having a limited diet and then a picky eater can be tricky.

Ben's going to see his kindergarten classroom/school for the first time today. He's looking forward to it but says he's going to miss his girlfriend Brylee:)

Other than that we are trying to get Ben excited to be the ringerbearer in a wedding. Right now he says he doesn't want too. We've been bribing him and telling him how much fun it's going to be. Oh and as you can see from one of the pictures, he's practicing his dancing skills as I tell him there will be a big party at the end where he can dance and have cake!

Ok that's about all from the Cretsingers, the boys are doing fabulous.

xoxo

3/17/11 Happy St. Patty's day

The boys had a spectacular birthday! I can't believe they are already 5 years old, oh how fast time flies by!

Ben is in love with his new Lego Harry Potter Hogwarts Castle and Tyler got a Toys Story Hot Wheels kit that he loves. They are looking forward to their birthday party this weekend.

I haven't posted in a while so I'm forgetting what I have already mentioned but for those of you who do not know, we stopped private speech. We have spent nearly $100,000 battling autism over the past few years, we've given up our home, and the small town community we once thought was our dream to be somewhere that Tyler could get the services that he needs. the road to kindergarten for Ty requires a lot of meetings. During one of those meetings, I had asked the team about TYler's chances of ever being able to talk (verbally) and they responded that the likelihood is pretty slim. Ty's been in speech since he was 13 months old, now at age 5, he still isn't saying any words. Babbles (yeah) but no words. Luckily his dynavox has helped his communication tremendously, in fact, I attribute his IPAD and Dynovox as being one of the main reasons Tyler has been so successful this year at school....

so successful that Tyler gets to move up to a Level 2 classroom next year, YEAH!!!!!! There is a lot involved with the road to kindergarten for a child with special needs. I had no idea the meetings, observations, meetings, etc. that would be required. Tyler has made tremendous progress this year and I'm so glad the team agreed that a level 2 classroom is best suited for him. Now, let's set the goals high and perhaps he can move to a level 3 the following year :)

Ann Arbor only offers half day kindgarten, so we are going to opt to pay for the extended day option for Ben. Tyler will go from 8:45 - 3:45 since he is in special education. This way both the boys will be bussed to their after school care (annie's) and arrive at the same time. I'm excited to have them together even if it's for a only a couple of hours. I had round up for Ben earlier this week adn meant the extended day option k teacher for Ben. I really liked the way they described the extended day option. It's considered child care however, the teachers reinforce the curriculum through other activities and I think ben would love that environment. I thought we'd finally be done with all of this expensive child care stuff, we chose the most economical schedule possible with one of us still going in late to work so we can drop off the boys and not have to worry about before care costs but it's still close to $1000 a month when we add up their after school costs and Ben's extended school day option (which was cheaper than the child care facility by the way). One more year and maybe we'll get back on our feet, lol.

Ok that's all from us, we are on the road to kindergarten :) I have an IEP scheduled for Tyler next month with the team from his new school and his current team (3 hour mtg) to write up an IEP for next year and work on transitions. I'm really really really happy that he is going into a level 2 classroom.

xoxo

1/8/11

Wow, how time flies huh! Over 3 years ago, Steve and I made a commitment to Tyler that we would fight with all we had to help him battle autism, early intevention is key right? We'd set aside our marriage, our wants/sometimes needs, to do what we needed to do to help Ty. In hindsight, I can't imagine where Tyler would be if we hadn't made that big of an effort. He certainly has a long road a head of him, however he's happy, he's found a way to communiate, his body seems to be healed to the ponit where he can eat freely and without objection. All and all that's what is most important, he's happy, he can be well nourished, and he can communicate. But I would be lying if I didn't admit that I had wished for more./ I really wish that Ben and Tyler had a better relationship. Ben told us the other day how he doesn't like Tyler's autism, honestly we don't either! I also wished he was talking by now, yeah, he has a way to communicate and hopefully by the time he's an adolescent, if he's still not talking, he'll have a more socially acceptable device like a cell phone, that also can act as his method of communication. Those would be my two wishes if I could have had just a little bit more progress.

Compared to where Tyler was at 12 months and 18 months, he's amazing. We can go outside now without him dropping to the ground to bang his head into the concrete, walkigng the dog was incredibly stressful in our house. We can set food at the table and he will freely eat on his own with utensils and not being strapped into the chair. He's wanting to be around people and participate in group activities more. He is able to go to restaurants and out in large public places without melting down. Our life has gotten signifantly easier in the past few years as a result of these improvements.

So as we near Tyler's 5th birthday, and also the end of that "window" that everyone talked about for the timeframe that intensive intervention would make the most impact. I'm ready to slow down. Good thing because I'm pretty sure we are out of steam, lol. Doesn't mean we are going to give up, not by any means. We'll still continue with private speech, we'll still go on to music therapy (update on that in a bit) but we are ready to slow down other efforts that cause us so much strain. We are officially done with B12 shots, the stress that it's creating and the cost are just no longer worth the benefit. We will continue to give him methyl b12 orally. We also have cut out quite a few of his supplements not only for savings but we aren't really wanting to give him anything that's not helping so to speak so we continually testing by taking out certain items and those that we don't see any sort of negative impact, we stop all together. Last but not least, I'm going to relax more at home. I feel pressure to make each interaction with Tyler some sort of learning opportunity, I know this is a result of a study and for very good reason has helped so much, however, it sometimes makes getting life accomplished hard and causes arguments in our houselhold. I'm done with feeling that pressure. I guess i look at it as worst case scenario, if Tyler never improves from this point (which is impossible cause he's such a smarty pants), I accept that fate. I feel like it's time to refocus on our whole family and my marriage. Time to get us all happy again as one big family and let the schools and therapists do their magic with Ty.

As most of you know, we are moving in 3 weeks. That will likely be pretty hard on Ty so we are strategizing about ways to support him through the transition. This is a big step for us. One that made me give up the last piece of the future I had once dreamed of as well as our credit rating, but more importantly it's the first step in my new dream, a happy, more relaxed, family. We will be renting a house, very similar to our house now, in a nice neighborhood with a little park 2 blocks away. We researched options a lot and chose these area (and had to fight a bit to get the house!!) because it's in a township so that rent is lower since taxes are lower. We could get a 2 bedroom condo within the city of ann arbor or a 3 bedroom house within the township for the same amount of money. We also researched schools for Ben, Tyler is placed upon his need but Ben will go to whatever homeschool is assigned to the area. The school Ben will be going to is the smallest elementary in ANn ARbor and each parent I have talked to sang it's praises. Ben struggled with the transition to preschoool and I wanted Kindergarten to be as small as possible. I felt really good about being able ot finally factor Ben into our decisions as well.

That's all from us, although January has been a horrible month for us in terms of finances, emotional and soon to be physical toll, even work has been really difficult, we know that there is light at the end of the tunnel:) I am going to welcome it with open arms. THanks a million times over for all the love and support from family and friends who have given us more over the past 4 years than we could ever give back. We could not have done it with you and your dedication to Tyler and our family is so appreciated.

xoxoxo

Melissa

12/13/2010

We worked really hard to get these pictures, impossible to get both boys looking and smiling. There were a whole of tickles and hidden parents in these pics trying to get a good shot, we got a few good ones:)

Things really seem to be coming together on the home front and making changes to help simplfy our lives a bit. It's been a hard road but I feel like we are definetly on the right track and making good decisions.

A friend sent me this e-newsletter from her local doctor's office. I thought it was interesting. As you all know, we believed Tyler had autism from the beginning but he did get worse after 12 month and 18 month vaccination. Remember that video I posted on a previous blog, http://tylercretsinger.blogspot.com/2010/01/blog-post.html It was such a deliberate "ma-ma" that came out....just before 18 month vaccines. I just had to watch it again, over and over, I tear up each time. Oh how I wish I would have listened to the minority, from day one I had concerns about Tyler, and that's a warning sign for parents, those kids who show just a bit of abnormality, need to avoid as much toxins as possible. We have a guy at work, has twins, one boy and one girl, they just went in for their 18 month (maybe 2 year) vaccines and the boy had a serious reaction to the vaccines. I told him things he could do biomedically to help his son recovery as well as signs to watch out for moving forward. That's the thing, everyone listens to mainstream doctors and media until something happesn to them, they think we are all crazy until it happens to your child, you see the changes, you feel the pain of it being a decision you made. It's frustrating. So this article is even more frustrating.... this is the bottom line

What's happening with vaccines NOW?

Drug companies are relying heavily on the future of vaccines. Why? Because health care costs are high and changes are coming to bring those down. This will include less medical imaging, less lab tests, less doctor visits and possibly restricted drug sales. A survey was conducted before the health care bill was passed. 45% of medical doctors said they would leave medicine if the bill passed. That's a lot! With less doctors, less prescription drugs will be sold.Drug companies see that their future is not in drugs because of these reasons. In order to bypass this imploding system, they are relying on vaccines. When a vaccine is made, then mandated by law, everyone needs to get it, not just the sick. This bypasses the medical doctors. Testing? Not necessary. It doesn't matter if you are sick or well. The profit center expands from just the sick to everyone.

At a recent seminar that we attended a doctor spoke about his experiences with vaccine-related injured kids. He lives in a part of New Jersey that has the highest rate of autism in the country. In the last three years, he has seen over 200 autistic kids. Each one was fine until they were "given that one shot". He finds mercury in all of them. (Vaccines have mercury in them except if you request a shot without it.) The autistic kids become more social, start talking, need less external stimulation, etc. when the mercury is cleaned out of their body. (We do this also.) The doctor has done three studies for the National Institutes of Health (NIH) and his dad has worked for the NIH for 15 years. He said the NIH is "more corrupt than the entertainment industry." Example: When you google "vaccine+autism" or "mercury+autism" the studies that come up show no link s between the two. This is criminal. Talk to moms who have autistic kids and they say "Junior was fine until he got that shot." The other main source of autism is from mom's mercury fillings while she was carrying the baby. The mercury was transferred to the fetus in the blood or through breastfeeding later. There are studies on this to prove it. Here are 21, all referenced. 21 studies. We need our dentists to stop using mercury fillings. Feel free to tell your dentist, "No mercury. Thank you." If he says there is no harm from them and the American Dental Association can prove it, find another dentist. We have many good ones to recommend. One of our patients, a new mom, reported to us that her pediatrician said there are 96 shots in the first two years. That's too much formaldehyde, mercury, and aluminum for any size human being. Even if the vaccines were not toxic with poisons, the theory of vaccination alone is not proven.See here that polio is historically directly related to pesticide production. The same website shows smallpox increases with smallpox vaccination.The site here has 26 graphs that show how vaccines have no effect on the disease it is supposed to cure. It also shows how many diseases had been on the decline for almost a century before the vaccine was even introduced. These include scarlet fever, whooping cough, rheumatic fever, tuberculosis, tetanus, measles, and more. The reason why these diseases started to decline since the 1800's is because our sewers are now closed and we use soap more. That's right, showers and toilets are medicine's greatest advance ever. Beyond that, eat real food, not food products that look and taste like food. Use whole food nutritional supplements, not the chemicals labeled as vitamins. We can help you with that.

We have supplements to help your immune system if you choose not to get a flu shot. The decline in sick days is measurable and significant. We do really well with people who are "always sick". They go through a winter with only one cold instead of being sick for four months straight.

If you know an autistic person, bring them in. We'll find the mercury and remove it. Also, vitamin D plays a huge role in getting kids to talk and reversing autistic symptoms. Reliance on medication and vaccines is a problem. Drugs are good for saving lives during emergencies. The chronic degeneration of a body caused by American food needs to be reversed with nutrition. Call us to get your health back!

-Dr. Schmidt

:(

It's with great sadness and frustration that I tell you that autism insurance bill did not make it through, it was never brought to the senate floor for a vote :( It's been a hard week for us for many reasons but this is just a huge hit. I had tried nto to get too excited but I couldn't help but get caught up in the what if's. Maybe we wouldn't have to give up the last piece of the life we had once planned, maybe if I can get Speech and Behavioral therapy covered, I can afford two music therapy session a week for Ty. Maybe we can get Ben involved in more extracurricular activities, maybe, maybe, maybe....all got shot down with this horrible news.

I was sad last night when I got a feeling it was going to get voted on and then this morning when I found out for sure it didn't make it, well I just couldn't stop crying and just now I've found myself in just a dull melancholy depressive state, so I was delighted when I just got the following email from Ty's teacher:

"You should see Tyler with his device! He is scrolling through multiple pages to find the pics that he wants, and is using it to do fill-ins when I'm reading the story! This is fantastic!! Will try to get some video footage for you to see at some time :)"

Thanks little guy for putting a smile back on my face and for a friendly reminder that you are worth every tear, every penny, and every future battle we have to face on your behalf. XOXO baby