12/11/08 Update

I've discovered reason #426 of why I despise autism..... your child cannot tell you what is wrong with them when they wake up screaming in the middle of the night. Sure when infants wake up screaming/crying you check for the normal things, hungry, gassy, diaper, etc. But most near 3 year olds can tell you what's wrong, no matter how silly, example: Ben woke up crying last night cuase his hands were cold! So last night around 12:30, Tyler started screaming/crying. I went in to check on him and he was sitting up, I checked for vomit or any other problem and found nothing so I tried to lay him down and cove rhim up and pat him onthe back but he would not lay down. I turend on his star gaze lights and his glow worm and that did not work either, still crying. So I was torn with the what to do.... I know from training that it's not the best idea to get him out of his bed and soothe him as this will reinforce him to scream/cry next time until I get him out and console him and that in the long run is not best for anyone. Sometimes kids with autism do cry for no reason, most have trouble sleeping, we are very ver lucky Tyler is a good sleeper. Anyway, I made sure he was ok, attempted to soothe him w/o picking him up and ended up shutting the door and letting him cry. Sigh... It's so tough. I always wonder, what if something serious is wrong, he just can't tell me. I'd never forgive myself if I ignored a big problem. Luckily he cried himself to sleep and woke up a happy boy this morning. I yearn for Tyler to be able to talk. I often have dreams he talks. One day, I just imagine him saying, I want milk or any other simple request and when those words come out of his mouth, I don't know that I'll ever be able to leave him. I'll just want to hear everything he has to say and for fear of it being a dream or a fluke, I'll want to hold on to the moment as long as possible. What a great day that will be!

Read another mom's blog today and it's kinda my view on Ben..."Ezekiel's twin sister is less happy when I am doing more of Z's therapy, but this is where life is as of now, and in the end, she will be happier having a brother recovered from autism." Ben was having so much fun playing with the little girl at daycare when Ip icked him up, they are like brother and sister. I say to the daycare lady, this is the way it was supposed to be, they were supposed to be the best of buddies, inseparable, playing with eachother all day. We don't have that. They don't play with eachother at all..it is an incredible amount of work to get them to play next to eachotehr sometiems. So I'm sure it's hard for Ben, i.e. he wonders why Tyler gets to to school, but as the mom mentioned above, he'll thank me one day. Because I really really hope I can give him that playmate he hopes for. The bottom line is that it's nearly impossible for me to give everyone in the family (including pets) everything they need so the neediest just tend to get more of my attention and that's just the role of the mother I think. But yet again Ben looked at my face and held my checks and said, I love you so much mommy...s o there's no doubt in my mind he feels a lot of love from mommy too!