11/19/08

I read an article on USA Today with the following headline: A class of steroid drugs used in premature babies and in pregnant women at risk for a preterm delivery have been found to cause irreversible damage to brain cells in animal studies, USA Today reports. '

I'm not sure if you all are aware but I received steroid injections when the boys were 26 weeks gestation. The length of my cervix had shortened considerably and they were nervous about preterm delivery so we had two rounds of steroid shots to develop their lungs as quick as possible and then immediate bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. I was a paranoid pregnant person.. I didn't eat any of the foods that people tell you not to eat like hot dogs, lunch meant, artificial sugar, caffeine. I for some reason developed a very strong distaste for vegetables when I was pregnant but I forced myself to eat them as well as drinking milk which isn't my favorite. I wouldn't even chew any gum that had artificial sugar in it so I was pretty adamant about being a very good pregnant mama, so it's actually surprising to me that I wasn't at all worried about the steroids and the side effects it may have. Maybe because I was so worried the boys would be born and not live that any side effects they could have had from the steroids would have been worth it, I just wanted them to have a chance at life. And I'm not saying it wasn't worth it even if it did cause Tyler to have autism, I mean the problems the boys would/could have had if they were born at 26 weeks would have been substantial, it's just strange that it never occurred to me to question the side effects.

Which brings me to my next point about mothers intuition. I've thought about writing this but I'm pretty sure I've never put it in the blog so if I have, I'm so sorry. When I was pregnant, I had a dream that Tyler wasn't doing well. We knew how the boys were by their position in my belly. So we always knew Tyler was at the top. Anyway, I had a dream he wasn't thriving so in my dream they did a quick surgery to take him out (Ben stayed tucked away and cozy) so that Tyler could lay on my chest and I could him as they say that closeness between a mother and baby really helps to heal/improve health for the babies. Anyway, even before Tyler was born, I was worried about him. We also had a point right before we were put on bed rest where his growth rate had slowed a bit compared to Ben's, in fact we were worried that he was gonna be quite small when he was born and were pleasently surprised that he was over 5lbs! Also, we didnt' know it at the time but during delivery it was discovered that the cord had been wrapped around Tyler's neck and if we had went through with a natural birth we would have likely ran into a lot of problems during birth but who knows how restricted he was while he was still developing, I now wonder, was this the reason he stopped growing as quickly as Ben and then how did the shots effect his brain. Maybe the combination was just enough to cause him to be at risk for autism and then when you add in weaker immune systems, gut issues, environmental triggers such as vaccinatinos (he got one before he even left the hospital when eh was barely 5 lbs!!!) I just think no wonder.. that poor guy just didnt' stand a chance. I hope that someday all this ideas of mine aren't just ideas but they are facts on paper so everyone knows every single risk factor and maybe when too many risk factors are combined, parents can make informed decisions to get rid of some of the risks such as early vaccinations.

In my previous blog I did share a story about another mother and it's funny cause towards the end she talks about how she felt guilty about the other child she felt like she was leaving out. I just want to say that we make a very concentrated effort to not have this happen in our house. There are occasions, especially on longer public outtings where everyone will haev a much better time if I'm the one assigned to Tyler so to speak. But on weekends when we have shorter trips or other plans, we make sure that mom gets to spend with Ben. Although we were all sick this weekend, Ben went with mom to the grocery store while Tyler and Grandma took a smaller grocery trip to Whole Foods. Ben had a wonderful time as we spent about 30 mins in the toy section and he ended up getting a new train! Then he helped me shop. After shopping I took Ben out to eat at Arby's, he's never been there before and then we went home. On Sunday, I took Ben to see "Gadagascar 2" Ben's version of madagascar. It was his first trip to the movies. I had looked forward to it and contemplated not taking him since the earliest movie started very close to nap time and he was already a bit whiny from being ill but he did great! We made it through almost 90 mins of the movie. He really enjoyed his kid snack pack with popcorn and gummi bears. They didn't have juice (note to self bring juice box next time) so I got him a sprite, first time he's had carbonation and he did not lik eit. I felt so guilty cause not only was he eating popcorn but he had a bad cough. Anyway, he had a great time and I'm so happy we went. I think eh's just barely big enough to hold down teh seat. They still are both under 30 lbs. in fact Tyler got weightr hte other day and he wasn't quite 27 lbs yet. Skinny little dudes! So anyway, we really do all that we can to try to make sure Ben feels loved and gets quality mommy time. I'm sure every family struggles to give their children teh appropriate attention but with our unique situation, it's extra difficult. I'm sure we aren't far off from Ben being able to understand what's going on with Tyler and he'll be such a great helper. In fact, today he wanted to go help me wake up Tyler so we could get ready for school and he was saying "tickle tickle" as he reached in Tyler's cribs to give him tickles to wake him up. Ben is very very loving and all though he loves attention and will steal it any time he can, I know he's gonna be so nourchuring to Tyler.