10/21/09

So I just had one of those moments where someone who doesn't really know much about us other than the fact taht Tyler has autism was asking me a bunch of questions. I was answering all the questions and finally he goes "wow, you guys are really doing a lot"... I'm like yeah, I guess we are :) It felt great, it was just this past Monday where frankly I was feeling pretty shitty about everything.. literally everything. Kinda felt like I wasn't making anyone happy so I was just gonna ship off into no mans land and live on a beach and catch fish for the rest of my life, ha.. ok I wouldn't really do it, however, the thought brought me a bit of peace:)So let's see.. the final straw on my shitty day Monday was when we were leaving speech. Tyler worked really hard and he gose to speech right from school so it's 3 p.m. by the time we leave and he's tired. I picked him up and speech had told Tyler to say goodbye. I told her he waved his hand and then she goes, let's use your lips and grabbed his lips to get him to make the "ba" shape. I made a joke to Tyler about her being relentless and she commented back, If Mommy were a little more relentless, we'd move a lot quicker"... I had swallow hard to hold back tears. I know she's right, I cuold do more, and I have the knowledge to do more for Tyler, I just don't have the time, Sometimes I don't even have time to pay bills, have needed to do that since Friday. My cell is broken and not charging properly for over a week and a half and I haven't had time to take it in so I'm constantly shutting it off and taking out the battery so I can be sure to have power when i the car with the boys. I also was just talking to Steve this weekend about possibly getting a second job at like whole foods or something to not only get discounted food prices for Ty but to also make some extra cash. Anyway, I just struggle with finding the right balance sometimes, Steve wants a wife, Ben wants a mommy, Tyler needs a mommy and a therapist, we are implementing 2 new software programs into the fire department and friends need me, family wants to talk and hear from me, sometimes I wish there were 48 hours in a day... then maybe I could make everyone happy, including myself. none the less.. that was my problem on Monday.

However, although I can't necessarily explain all the details just yet, we had some very positive movement yesterday afteroon which totally turned my mood around. More details to come soon but hopefully we have some solutions for our crazy schedule, etc. soon.


Also, news on the potty training front. School has begun charting Tyler's wet/dry diapers at school and follows their potty training program which we are also implementing at home. he actually has went potty once at school. Steve shared the plan with daycare yesterday and when Steve got there, Ty went potty on the potty and got really excited about it. Which as I had expected, got Ben jealous about the attention Tyler was getting and then he wanted to go on the potty the rest of the day too. There may be hope for us yet :)

A few weeks ago, my aunt took the boys for the weekend so we could do some home improvements, including re-doing the boys rooms. They are so cute now. Both boys are now in big boy beds which made me incredibly nervous about Ty but he's doing great. We put a child lock handle on the inside of the door so he can't get out on his own, fears of him roaming the streets in the middle of the night! Anyway, Tyler has a transportation themed room, we found them a train table on craigs list and have some homas trains in there and then planes, trucks, trains, etc. decorating the room. Of course Ben's room has a dinosaur theme. He actually has a new twin bed, we gave Tyler, Ben's toddler bed. Ben really wanted a volcano in his room so we got him a lava lamp. We were able to find sheets that matched the purple walls so we didn't have to repaint and we made some other accents in there to ty in the purple in a non girly way. We are still waiting for his dinosaur wallies to come in to make a bit better. We also re-did their bathroom upstairs, made it more kid like. SOOOOO CUTE. THey are loving their new rooms.

Oh I digress.... the point was that my aunt has a piano and I got an email that Saturday a.m. asking how long she should let Tyler play the piano cause he just loves it and didn't want to stop playing. I said, let him play as long as he wants. I know he loves music and his little baby piano and we had already planned on getting him a bigger piano for christmas and getting him into music therapy at autism collaborative center. Anyway, so excited because one of the assistant chief's daughters had an old electronic keyboard/piano with a stand that she wasn't using anymore so she happily volunteered to give it to us :) We are gonna give it to Tyler tonight, I cannot wait for him to see it. hopefully he naps today so he can play for a long time. Plus it's family movie night and he won't be intersted in that so it's perfect activity for him, yeah! which brings me to my next point... there was a story on NPR recently about a man who was diagnosed with aspergers at age 45. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=113744905&sc=emaf He's a musician and a professor, his son also has aspergers which is actually how dad got diagnosed. Anyway, at the beginning of the clip (audio) they talk about a piece of music and actually play the music (can't remember musician's name) and it sounds very similar to teh music structure that Tyler plays on his little baby piano. Listen to the clip should be in first 3 mins or so and then go back int he blog and listen to the clip of Tyler playing his little baby piano.. very similar. I'm so excited to possibly have a bridge from Tyler's world into ours via music. Also very excvited that we caught Tyler's autism so early and get him involved in all tyopes of therapy including socialization so that maybe he doesn't have to face so many challenges in life. Just love that little guy to bits and pieces.

Oh and tyler now gives kisses upon demand.. soooo cute, he's become a really great hugger too. And the cutest thing.. when I put Ben to bed last night I gave him a kiss and a hug and I said thanks for the lovin'.. he goes tomorrow when I wake up, I'm gonna give you some giant lovin'.... so cute.

Ok, we are all set to be the wizard of oz group for halloween. Ben is scarecrow, Tyler is cowardly lion, steve is Tinman, grandma is wicked witch and I'm dorothy. Ben is really excited. Ty's not so fond of his costume so we are strategizing abuot ways to get him comfy in it. We are gonnna put it on an doff a few times, it's scratchy so we are gonna put some long sleeve under shirts and pants underneath and hope that helps.

I'm sure I'm forgetting many things since it's been so long but for now at least you have an update :)