3/19/10

We have found a childcare facility for both the boys, yeah! Tyler and steve visited the new place yesterday and both really liked it. Tyler had a great time and fit right in.  I'm so relieved to have that out of the way :) Now our little guy is going to be riding the bus!  So cute. 

Oh, i was going to mention the other day that Ben has started the very typical sibing to an autistic brother role.  When Tyler acts up or acts weird, Ben tells them Tyler has autism. I took the boys to Sams club the other day and had them both sitting in the cart. At check out TYler was kinda stimming on his new book (i had given him a bday present early to keep him content through the store) and the guy in line behind us was looking at Tyler. ben goes, he has autism. When my mom was over the other day and Tyler was upset on the floor and I was helping him through it, he told my mom that Tyler had autism. he's already starting to make apologies on Tyler's behalf. Ben is such a great brother. 


A week or so ago I talked about the differences in the boys personalities and how I'm so happy they were divied up the way they were, i.e. Ben being so loving and caring.  Well last night I was cuddling with Ben and talking to him about his upcoming birthday party and having good manners and being thankful, etc.  I explained to him that some kids do not get to have birthday parties and some kids do not even get a single present on their birthday and there are some kids who do not have enough food to eat and they have to go without.  He asked me why? So i then went into a discussion about jobs and making money, etc. and some kids parents may not have jobs right now or some kids may not have parents to take care of them. He goes MOM, you HAVE to help those kids!!! Aweeee... I gave him a big ol hug... i love his compassion.  Before bed I read him the Lorax book from Dr.Seuss which is a very pertinent to the modern day america and needing to take care of our environment. So this morning he asked me why the fish were getting sick and had to leave the water in the book. I talked to him about pollution and chemicals and that we have to be careful about how we treat our environment. He goes MOM, you HAVE to help those fish!! 

I'm pretty sure we've got a little humanitarian on our hands!  People often ask if i'm more drawn to Tyler than Ben due to his disability..do I maybe have a little bit more love for him?  The truth of the matter is.. Ben can make me crazy, however, he has my heart.. he often brings me happy happy tears because I feel like he is just an amazing kid with an amazing heart and is going to be amazing brother, friend, husband and father. What more can a mom wish for!!!  Tyler has my soul.. he has altered my path in life, my purpose.  As hard as it may be to be his parent sometimes due to all the worry, he has absolutely changed me for the better. I never knew I could love that strongly or be that protective. I was asked recently by a friend if during the study I was ever mad at all I had to do and accomplish during the day and if I ever said why me, it's not fair.  I looked at Steve and we both shook our hands. I don't remember once saying it or thinking it. I just remember thinking fight, fight, fight....18 months isn't really that long in the grand scheme of things.. I also remember being tired and the toll that  the study took on Steve and I but no, no, I definetly don't remember thinkign why me. More so, I was thankful that Tyler belonged to us that we had the means and the will to help him.  They both are my little lovey's.

So on the verge of their big 4th birthday party, I say thanks, again, to everyone, family and friends who have stuck by us, and helped us nurture Ben's kind heart and helped us battle Tyler's disability. Those of you coming to the party, I would love to tell you this all in person, how lucky and thankful we are to have you in our lives but i'd never be able to say it without crying so I'll just tell you know.  We may not have made it without your help.  We have lost some family and friends along our journey and to be honest, we were warned that would happen, but it's not easy to see them go. We may seem self absorbed at times, but there are some days that we are just surviving, some days that it's hard to just to get our family through to the next day.  And even though we've had a rough patch the last few weeks, things are looking up and today is easier than a year ago and I hope at their 5th birthday I can say wahooo.. life's a piece of cake:) So thank you all for loving us unconditionally and supporting our family.