8/12/09

So here's how the cycle seems to go. On the day Tyler needs a shot, he actually naps, i.e. the medication is wearing off. Then he gets his shot after bath and then he's ready to party. he was up until 10:30 last night. He only napped for just over an hour so it definetly wasn't the nap that was causing the insomnia.. Now today, he'll start rubbing his eyes around noon.. my predictions are that he will not nap and around 6:30 tonight he'll be beside himself with exhaustion. Which makes me feel bad for teh little guy but it is family movie night so we'll be able to spend lots of fun time with Ben if Tyler is in bed by the time we start the movie.

Last night Tyler was so engaged in play time with me. Sometimes I'm so optomistic about his future, last night the only missing element was speech.. he was right on, engaged, happy to be playing, had very little odd behaviors (other than chewing on his short, grrrr) and kept coming to get me for more play time. If he were talking, you would have never known he had autism. Those are great moments.. but then there are moments where I can't seem to break in. I can't get him to look at me, play with me, stop stimming.. those moments are hard. It's a reality check really. We read some horrific stories about teenagers with moderate to severe autism adn with all those hormones running through their bodies they have some pretty god awful behaviors. I hope that as time goes on.. I get more of the Tyler I had last night and less of the Tyler that gets lost in his world.

Steve and I watched a movie last night where a son had cancer.. and it was really sad. And we thought not that we wish anything upon our kids or anyone elses.. but at least with cancer, there is an end. You either beat it or you don't. Obviously it's not that plain and simple and those parents may lose their child completely where we still haev our child and for that I am grateful. But there is some peace at knowing when you'll know the outcome for your child. We just fight and keep fighting but really never nkow whether or not we are gonna make any significant impact on Tyler's life. we won't give up, I'm not saying that and again I'm nto saying that I wish TYler had cancer instead of autism, I'm just saying that I wish I could know by a certain date, if Tyler is not better but this date, that's it, he'll have this degree of autism eternally and then I will just accept it.

The great news is.. Tyler is eating really well and Ben is also continyuing to try new foods and also doing really well on the potty. He's really excited to see the dinosaurs this weekend and specifically wanted it to be "mommy" time so daddy and Tyler are gonna go do something else fun.