8/31/09 - Is summer really gone?

Can't believe how chilly it was this weekend, had to put coats on the boys, crazy!

Ok, well I do have to say that with all the behavior training I've had, definetly feeling like a failure when it comes to Ben and potty training. Our reward chart is not working and I decided to once again take a break from potty training..feeling like Ben is feeling too much pressure. Sigh. I'm thinking once Tyler starts school next week I'll ask them to start charting wet/dry times so we can move forward with potty training Ty and then hopefully Ben will see how much attention Tyler is getting for going on the potty and then the peer pressure (doc said this is highly motivating for kids) will cause Ben to want to go too, we'll see. i cannot wait to get rid of that diaper expense..two kids in diapers for 3.5 years.. I've had enough.

So Saturday night was shot night and Tyler's crib party was about 2 hours long this time. I live in fear that he's gonna climb out of his crib and get hurt or caught or something. Then I think if I had him in a regular bed, I worry about him roaming the house while I'm sleeping and getting into all kinds of trouble or god forbid leaving the house and wondering off. I am very thankful that he doesn't yet know how to open doors! Steve has gotten into a habit of cuddling/rocking Ty to sleep so I told Steve this weekend he had to break that habit before we move him to a big boy bed.

So today's update probably isn't going to be the happiest. Tyler seems to be really taking joy out of upsetting Ben. So yeah I understand that many siblings are like this so it's not necessarily abnormal behavior but it's just upsetting in that they aren't normal siblings. They really don't play together or interact together at all, we try to make most of their interactions positive so that they will continue but it's difficult when Tyler is picking on Ben and Ben lives in fear of Tyler biting him. we were at the lunch table on Sunday and Ben wanted to know what kind of dinosaurs we all were.. I told him I was a velocirator and he said no, you are a plant eater not a meat eater, you are a (forgot what he said) and then he goes, what kind of dinosaur is Ty Ty and he says.hmmmmmm Ty Ty is a T-Rex because he bites just like a T-rex. sigh.. There were countless time sthis weekend that TYler went after Ben. A coupl eof times we were there so we could stop it and a couple of times we weren't but ben is so anxious about getting hurt that he starts crying right away an then Tyler is getting excited about that. So yesterdya Ben and I did a little role playing. He played Ben and I played Tyler and I prentend to go after him and we discussed that Ben should say "no Tyler" as Tyler definetly knows what No means and he should say it like he means it and then go find mom or dad if we aren't there and tell us what happend. We also warned miss karen that Ty seems to be going after Ben so that she can watch out for it. We are going to try to keep those two a bit separated if we aren't in the room so if I'm in the kitchen cooking, I'm gonna have ben come in there with me and help cook or paly with dinosaurs, etc. so I can monitor better how the two are interacting. Tyler has left a few pretty bad bite marks on Ben's back so I don't blame him from being scared and there's no way I can change the behavior if i"m not there so for now I'm gonna try to prevent it from happening when I'm not int he room.

Ok on to the next not so great news. This weekend is when we chose to break the "i don't want to go on a bike ride" tantrum... We gave lots of warnings of what we were diong and instead of a bike we were gonna use the wagon for Tyler, This way he can play with som eof his favorite toys while we walk around/bike around but he's still participating in the walk. We had his toys in teh wagon and we went outside and he refused ot get in teh wagon (ben already on bike). Not necessarily a problem cause I can get him in the wagon regardless of his refusing, however then I realized (had just chagend both diapers) that he had pooped.. SHOOT! Steve goes want me to take him inside to change him? I said,, I have to think about it cause I don't want him to get out of the wagon ride just because he's throwing a fit and that's what it will seem like if we take him inside right now. The whole time we are having this conversation Tyler is literally writing in my arms/wagon while I try to get him in there. So we decide neighbors/screaming and all to bring the diaper stuff otuside and change him outside in the wagon. He was definetly not happy about this. So now we are in the wagon.. Ben is riding his bike and Ty's crying..however he is not trying to escape the wagon so success #1, yeah! About a quarter o the way in the walk Tyler wants to escape (still crying) I stand him on the sidewalk and say you can walk or you can ride in the wagon. he grabs on to me and sobs... (heartbreaking to stand your ground sometimes).. I say Tyler, you can ride in teh wagon or walk. Keep in mind the wagon is full of some of his fav toys, I'm really not a big meanie!! Ben and dad are way ahead of us at this point.. hence the reason it takes two parents most of the time. I cannot keep Ben save while doing what i need for Tyler. So we eventually get in the wagon.. and thens truggle with the "sit down" command.. but alas.. I did prevail.. so sitting and crying.... I'm once again pullign the wagon and we catch up with Dad... so about 1/8 mile from home.. crying stops, yeah! I keep telling Tyler once we get home, we are gonna play on the on the swings and slide in teh backyard. So as we park the wagon the garage and walk in the backyard Tyler starts crying again (he'd live his life inside if he could) and so we play as normal and Steve starts swinging Tyler aroudn by his arms, legs, etc. and finally we get him happy. We did not take him back inside until he had been happy for a couple of minutes. The key here was to ensure that the throwing the tantrum/fit did not get him out of doing what we wanted. It's really important that Tyler doesn't alway sget to do what Tyler wants and when he wants and we can't coddle him through each situation. As we were on tehw alk I said to Steve, so you are never gonna pick Tyler up again when it's time for a bike ride/walk right? Becuase this is the result.. he's gotten out of doing it a few times and dad has carried him and breaking that behavior chain is not so fun! He goes NOPE! Sometimes in the life of Tyler you don't realize that you are creating a pattern until it's too late. We both are guilty of that.

So anyway.. i'm sure next time isn't gonna be so great but hopefully it will be better than the last and we can keep moving forward. We are gonna get a picture of the wagon and a picture of his bike and then show him the pictures before we go outside so he can choose what he wants and carry the picture with him as a transition item. hopefully this will help him as well. Again..the key here is putting supports in place before he gets upset, not after.

So that's that. No much good stuff for the weekend. Ben peed all over the chair and floor in the dining room, Tyler almost slipped and fell in it. Steve and i were grouchy to eachother, Tyler was trying to beat Ben up and thought it was funny and Ben has developed a serious 3 year old attitude with talking back. boo hoo.. but we did take them to the Hands on Museum and to the park so all hope was not lost in having some family time.